There is only one answer to everything (except when you take the square root of a positive number - then there would be both a positive and negative answer... but that's beside the point). No gray area. Black and white.
There are formulas. You plug this in there and get what you're looking for. Boom. Done.
You can make lists of what you need to do and check boxes off right away. No waiting. Once it's done, it's out of your mind. Problems 1-17? Check. Complete. Don't have to think about it anymore.
There are patterns. You have a fraction equal to another fraction with x in the numerator or denominator? Cross multiply and divide. Always.
You know, life would be easier if it were similar to math... right? Imagine if there was only one answer to everything, a magic formula to help you make decisions, a list of everything you needed to do to succeed, and a pattern to your life so that you would always know what to expect. Doesn't that sound amazing? Life would be completely stress, worry, and fear FREE!! (unless you hate math... but just pretend you're a math geek like me for the sake of this blog post)
...Ahh, but alas, this is not the case.
Lately, I've been realizing that life is not like math... at all. No matter how hard I try to make it be, it isn't and it never will be. There are no magical formulas or calculators that give you the answers you're looking for when you plug in your problems.
I struggle with not knowing the answers. Not knowing what I'm going to eat tonight, not knowing where I'm going to be working in the summer, not knowing how much money I have in my bank account (I mean, I could easily look this up... but who wants to do that?), not knowing if I'll be put on the waitlist for a class in my shopping cart, not knowing who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, not knowing what decision to make, etc. The list goes on and on and on and on... and ON!
All of these things bounce around in my head and spin like tornadoes and cars in round-a-bouts that have no idea where they're going. I get so caught up in not having the answers and having to wait for them. Why can't I just know right away? Sometimes I find myself spending most of my time worrying about the future and looking back to the past instead of just being present and content with where I am in the moment. It's HARD, fam. My mind may be a piece of mush, but it is one complicated piece of mush.
So what do I do? Should I just dwell on my frustration and stress with "not knowing?" Spend my days thinking about the things I could've done and the things I will do? Well, I could. It's an option. But what good would that do me?
One of my favorite songs of all time is Forget and Not Slow Down by a band called Relient K. Whenever my thoughts seem to spin out of control, this line from that song pops into my head:
"I could spend my life just trying to sift through what I could've done better, but what good do what if's do?"
Friends, there are two words in the English language that when put together have the power to destruct. And those two words are "what" and "if." I couldn't say it better than Relient K... there is absolutely no good that comes from thinking these two words. They will only cause harm to that little piece of mush of yours.
Don't get me wrong now... thinking about the future and the past is not inherently a bad thing. But dwelling in these timeframes and putting pressure and blame on yourself for things that happened or may happen is only setting yourself up for depression and anxiety. Trust me, if there's anyone who can attest to this, it's the girl who's writing these very words.
How do we escape from these tornadoes and round-a-bouts in our heads? I'm not exactly sure how to transition into this next paragraph, but this is the only sentence that came to mind: I am so thankful for Jesus. Without the Big Guy upstairs, I don't know how I'd make it through the days when my mind just won't seem to stop. And even though He may not give me what I want (the answers), He never fails to give me what I need - peace, comfort, and love.
Earlier this week I came across this blurb in the Good Book:
"But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord;
I say, 'You re my God."
My times are in Your hand;
Deliver me from the hand of my enemies,
And from those who persecute me.
Make Your face shine upon Your servant;
Save me for Your mercies' sake.
Do not let me be ashamed, O Lord, for I have called upon You;
Let the wicked be ashamed;
Let them be silent in the grave.
Let the lying lips be put to silence,
Which speak insolent things proudly and contemptuously against the righteous.
Oh, how great is Your goodness,
Which You have laid up for those who fear You,
Which You have prepared for those who trust in You
In the presence of the sons of men!
You shall hide them in the secret place of Your presence
From the plots of man;
You shall keep them secretly in a pavilion
From the strife of tongues.
Blessed be the Lord,
For He has shown me His marvelous kindness in a strong city!
For I said in my haste,
'I am cut off from before Your eyes';
Nevertheless, You heard the voice of my supplications
When I cried out to You."
Psalm 31:14-24
Sometimes my enemy can be my thoughts. But how beautiful it is to know that God has the power to put them silent in the grave. He keeps us safe, in a secret place, where they will not be able to find us. He hears us when we cry out to Him. No matter what you're struggling with today, know that the Lord your God is in control. After all, if we knew all of the answers, would He really be God? He hears you. He knows you. He loves you. And those simple truths are enough to calm our complicated minds.
<3 Kenzie
