Twenty One Pilots, The Meaning of Life, Etc.

Alright. I'm officially apart of the skeleton clique. If you don't know what that means, it means that I'm now a huge fan of the band Twenty One Pilots. HUGE.

It all started when my friend played their song Car Radio on his car radio, and I was in the passenger seat. I remember thinking how different and weird the song was... I asked myself questions like, "what genre even is this?" And, "what do these lyrics even mean?" At first I was not a fan of their music because it was too different for me. However, as I hung out with this friend more, I listened to Twenty One Pilots more, and their music slowly began to grow on me.

Now I'm at the I-really-want-to-meet-Tyler-Joseph-so-he-can-tell-me-all-about-his-tattoos-and-Josh-is-pretty-cute-and-oh-my-word-they-love-Jesus-too-and-I'm-going-to-learn-to-play-all-their-songs-and-oh-that-was-a-good-lyric-maybe-I-should-get-that-tatted-on-me point.

I've watched some interviews on YouTube of Tyler and Josh, and the more I "get to know" them, the deeper my appreciation becomes for them. I've learned that they keep a lot of things hidden from the public, like the meaning of Tyler's tattoos, what a kitchen sink is to him, etc. But at the same time, their songs portray their deepest thoughts and feelings through lyrics and melodies that most people can relate to.

Through getting to know TOP, I've been beginning to realize how important it is to create things only I understand. Whether it be art, a song, a poem, etc., I believe that living becomes purposeful when I know that one thing no one else knows.

That one thing becomes all the more special and sacred to me, and then that's when I begin to realize the meaning my life has.

I typically go crazy when things don't  make complete sense, because I try so hard to understand the meaning in something, instead of creating it for myself.

Although, I'm just starting to realize that the best things in life have different meanings for different people. Listening to a song and applying my own situations to the melodies and lyrics enables me to discover who I am and who I want to be.

I dare you to create personal meaning through someone else's creation.

Being a teenage girl with a lot of time on her hands and a guitar, I love to write songs. I also love to be crafty (when I'm in the mood). I like writing songs that are easily relatable in the same way to everyone, but I like writing songs that mean something personal to me even more.

I dare you to create something that has meaning to you, and a different meaning to someone else.

Purpose is found through things that don't make sense. But sometimes these things that don't make sense are just too complicated to simply be heard, and they're only created to be listened to. We're just too busy to listen most of the time.

I dare you to listen. Whether it be creating meaning through already created creation, or creating creation with meaning.

Listen.

To Twenty One Pilots.

The end.

Triggers

I can't help but remember things. Whether it be the tone of someone's voice when they tell their story or the distinct smell of someone's sweater or the way someone's profile looks when they concentrate really hard on something - just remembering these things can bring moments back in a beautiful way.

One summer night, I was taking a bike ride with my sister through the cracks and crevices in our neighborhood that we've never really been to before. All of a sudden, this scent hits me - a musty mixture of campfire smoke and pine trees. All of a sudden, I wasn't able to think of anything else but the campfires I have at camp every summer. Pictures were played back in my mind clearer than when I was trying to remember camp without the smelling that scent. 

I think it's truly amazing how we have these triggers that set off these memories like fireworks. 

I never really truly thought about how every experience we have in life comes with these triggers. Even if we don't notice them fully in the moment, later in life when we come across the triggers they will unexpectedly bring us back to that moment. Its kind of like a deja vu sorta thing. I think it's important that we notice the triggers that take us back to our memories because afterall, they are what makes us, us. 

We are our experiences. We are the scent of campfires and the songs we hear on the radio driving at dusk and the words we said to our best friend on top of that hill. We are the people we order pizza with at 2am and the rainy days we spend all day in bed in and the sunny days we enjoy outside. We are the bike rides we get lost on and the conversations on the dock with ice cream and old friends.

When I think about who I am, I remember these things. I capture the present. And I look forward to the moments I'm a part of right now becoming triggers in the future.

I Will Not Forget

I hate thinking about it. I feel like if I don't somehow express these complicated thoughts into words my mind will explode. I hate when everything is going absolutely wonderful, and then it hits you. I hate when you realize how much you've changed and how many people you've met and then it just invades your mind like an unwelcomed guest. I hate when you begin to think about how much you've grown in the past few years with the people you love, and then it bombards your happiness and transforms it into complete saddness. I believe it happens to all of us.

"It" is goodbye.

Goodbye is a strange word because it can mean a lot of things. For some situations, goodbye could mean for forever, and for other situations goodbye could mean just for a few minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or years. Its hard to ever really know. And it sucks when you just have to face the fact that you don't know.

Currently, I'm a junior in high school. This year has been, by far, my absolute favorite of them all. I've made so many new friends and I've grown closer to the ones that I had before. I feel like this year has been the year where I can finally really laugh, ya know? Like I can finally just let it out without holding back or forcing it. I've definitely changed so much this year, and I'm surrounding myself with people I want to be like, which has been my favorite part.

I love people.

And I wish I could say that all the friends I have now will be my friends in 10 years, but the truth is that we're all going to be in different places, with different people, having different experiences. It's strange to think that the people I'll be with in 10 years are people that are complete strangers to me now. It's actually a little scary. But then again, I was saying the same thing 10 years ago.

People will always be coming in and out of my life, which makes it so happy and sad all at the same time. I just want my friends (I would say my family too, but they're not going anywhere) to know that no matter where we all end up in this crazy adventure called life, I will not forget you. I will not forget our conversations, the jokes we made, the things you did for me and the things I did for you.

And even though I will say goodbye, I only mean for a little while, however long that may be. But until then, just know that these moments captured in Polaroids and on my iPhone and in our heads will never be forgotten. I will not forget YOU.

The Rare

No one really uses the word "rare" anymore. I'm starting to think that it just doesn't apply to our world or society like it did in the past. I'm starting to think that everything and everyone has become so superficial and cliche that it just doesn't make sense to use it, except when talking about gold or diamonds or things of that nature. Wouldn't it be the most exciting thing ever to find a treasure chest containing the most beautiful things buried in the dirt of your backyard? Wouldn't it be wonderful to open that one oyster containing that one pearl after opening a thousand empty ones? What if people could be as rare as treasure chests full of beautiful things? What if people could be as rare as pearls in oysters?

What if people could be... rare?

I want to find someone who's rare. Someone who creates their own trail instead of following the man made path out in front of them. Someone who stands up for what they believe in, instead of lying just for the sake of saving their reputation. Someone who goes out of their way for strangers, someone who doesn't care what their hair looks like or what clothes they wear or how much makeup they have on their face. Someone who doesn't even care what people think of them. Someone who rolls their windows down and blasts country music in their car in the winter just to have that sense of freedom. Do these people even exist? Yes. They do. They're just hard to find. They're rare.

I want to be rare, too. It's not something that someone's automatically born with. I think that anyone can become rare as long as they truly want to be. It's hard, it's difficult, and it's by no means easy. I think there will never come a point in my life where I'll say that I am who I will permanently be. My experiences and my friends will constantly be changing me and molding me into who I want to become or the opposite of what I want to become. It all depends on the people I choose as my friends, and the experiences I choose to live in. I want to choose the rare ones. 

I want to have those moments in life where I think to myself, "I bet this has never happened in the history of the universe ever before." I've had those moments before, too, like where someone says something or does something extremely out of the ordinary that makes you laugh, and no one else understands. I want to have those people in my life that touch me and stay, the ones whom I will never forget because a place or a scent or a color will always remind me of them. Those people that know what you're trying to say when you can't find the words, those people that you can sit comfortably with in the silence of an empty room for hours at a time. Those people that make you feel like your worth something, not just a convenience to them when they're in times of need. I want to look back on my life, the experiences and the people that made it what it was, and I want to say that

it 

was

rare.

The Real

Just this past weekend, I was able to get away from the stress of life for a few days at one of my most favorite places on earth - camp. I've been going to camp for quite some time now, and all of my experiences there never fail to truly amaze me. I've been to camp countless times, either for summer camp or for different retreats through my youth group or church. I always learn so much about myself and the person who I want to be while I'm away there. I love how the place is totally "distraction free"...no phones, no technology, to TV, no Netflix, no video games, etc. You  may be reading this thinking that a life without all of those things would result in having no life at all, but honestly the result is the exact opposite. I think the reason this generation is so caught up in our devices is because we're afraid to get uncomfortable. We're afraid to say hello to someone walking towards us in the hallway or on the street so we pull out our phones and pretend to text. We're afraid of being straightforward and honest with our feelings to someone face to face, so we type them up instead.

This is why everything get's more difficult at camp. The only way to communicate with people is by actually talking with them, and we're practically forced to make conversation at every meal because we all sit and eat together at the same time. The showers may get cold faster or the heat in the cabins may not be set at a desirable temperature, and you literally have to walk everywhere you want to go. Everything may not go the way you want it to like it does back at home. But honestly, what happened to doing things the hard way? Why does there have to be an easy way out of everything? The song that just popped into my head is Automatic by Miranda Lambert (even if you're not a fan of country music you should look up the lyrics anyways). It's basically about how in the past things were more simple, because everything was done by hand, not automatically. And don't get me wrong, I truly appreciate how this world has advanced in technology and everything of that sort. But I think in the process of becoming so virtual and technology oriented, we lost sight of the beauty of "the real." The real conversations, the real photographs (everyone should just go buy a Polaroid camera because they're so awesome), the real relationships/friendships, the real bravery, the real laughs, the real experiences, etc. etc.

I don't know about you, but I have this burning want for "the real" back. I want to experience life in the most vulnerable way possible, being open and honest and real about everything I say and do. I don't want to hide from a stranger in order to avoid introducing myself, and at this point I would rather be that completely awkward person than the person that's hiding behind the screen of their smartphone all the time. It's not difficult for me to be this way, but what's difficult for me is facing the fact that I can't make everyone else be this way. I can't change the world, and by no means can I change people. Even when I think I can, I never will be able to. 

All I can do is dare you to be real. Step into those awkward and uncomfortable situations. Do things that scare you. Take the risks. Go places you've never been before. Do something for someone you really don't know that well. Make the plans, and commit to them. When you put your phone in your pocket, leave it there. Unplug your headphones. Don't over-think things. Don't just wait for your turn to talk, but listen. Be wild and courageous. Don't even think twice. Go for it. And I'm not going to lie, things are going to feel different and uncomfortable and life is going to get difficult. But in the end, you'll look back and say that 

it

was

real.