I Will Not Forget

I hate thinking about it. I feel like if I don't somehow express these complicated thoughts into words my mind will explode. I hate when everything is going absolutely wonderful, and then it hits you. I hate when you realize how much you've changed and how many people you've met and then it just invades your mind like an unwelcomed guest. I hate when you begin to think about how much you've grown in the past few years with the people you love, and then it bombards your happiness and transforms it into complete saddness. I believe it happens to all of us.

"It" is goodbye.

Goodbye is a strange word because it can mean a lot of things. For some situations, goodbye could mean for forever, and for other situations goodbye could mean just for a few minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or years. Its hard to ever really know. And it sucks when you just have to face the fact that you don't know.

Currently, I'm a junior in high school. This year has been, by far, my absolute favorite of them all. I've made so many new friends and I've grown closer to the ones that I had before. I feel like this year has been the year where I can finally really laugh, ya know? Like I can finally just let it out without holding back or forcing it. I've definitely changed so much this year, and I'm surrounding myself with people I want to be like, which has been my favorite part.

I love people.

And I wish I could say that all the friends I have now will be my friends in 10 years, but the truth is that we're all going to be in different places, with different people, having different experiences. It's strange to think that the people I'll be with in 10 years are people that are complete strangers to me now. It's actually a little scary. But then again, I was saying the same thing 10 years ago.

People will always be coming in and out of my life, which makes it so happy and sad all at the same time. I just want my friends (I would say my family too, but they're not going anywhere) to know that no matter where we all end up in this crazy adventure called life, I will not forget you. I will not forget our conversations, the jokes we made, the things you did for me and the things I did for you.

And even though I will say goodbye, I only mean for a little while, however long that may be. But until then, just know that these moments captured in Polaroids and on my iPhone and in our heads will never be forgotten. I will not forget YOU.

The Rare

No one really uses the word "rare" anymore. I'm starting to think that it just doesn't apply to our world or society like it did in the past. I'm starting to think that everything and everyone has become so superficial and cliche that it just doesn't make sense to use it, except when talking about gold or diamonds or things of that nature. Wouldn't it be the most exciting thing ever to find a treasure chest containing the most beautiful things buried in the dirt of your backyard? Wouldn't it be wonderful to open that one oyster containing that one pearl after opening a thousand empty ones? What if people could be as rare as treasure chests full of beautiful things? What if people could be as rare as pearls in oysters?

What if people could be... rare?

I want to find someone who's rare. Someone who creates their own trail instead of following the man made path out in front of them. Someone who stands up for what they believe in, instead of lying just for the sake of saving their reputation. Someone who goes out of their way for strangers, someone who doesn't care what their hair looks like or what clothes they wear or how much makeup they have on their face. Someone who doesn't even care what people think of them. Someone who rolls their windows down and blasts country music in their car in the winter just to have that sense of freedom. Do these people even exist? Yes. They do. They're just hard to find. They're rare.

I want to be rare, too. It's not something that someone's automatically born with. I think that anyone can become rare as long as they truly want to be. It's hard, it's difficult, and it's by no means easy. I think there will never come a point in my life where I'll say that I am who I will permanently be. My experiences and my friends will constantly be changing me and molding me into who I want to become or the opposite of what I want to become. It all depends on the people I choose as my friends, and the experiences I choose to live in. I want to choose the rare ones. 

I want to have those moments in life where I think to myself, "I bet this has never happened in the history of the universe ever before." I've had those moments before, too, like where someone says something or does something extremely out of the ordinary that makes you laugh, and no one else understands. I want to have those people in my life that touch me and stay, the ones whom I will never forget because a place or a scent or a color will always remind me of them. Those people that know what you're trying to say when you can't find the words, those people that you can sit comfortably with in the silence of an empty room for hours at a time. Those people that make you feel like your worth something, not just a convenience to them when they're in times of need. I want to look back on my life, the experiences and the people that made it what it was, and I want to say that

it 

was

rare.

The Real

Just this past weekend, I was able to get away from the stress of life for a few days at one of my most favorite places on earth - camp. I've been going to camp for quite some time now, and all of my experiences there never fail to truly amaze me. I've been to camp countless times, either for summer camp or for different retreats through my youth group or church. I always learn so much about myself and the person who I want to be while I'm away there. I love how the place is totally "distraction free"...no phones, no technology, to TV, no Netflix, no video games, etc. You  may be reading this thinking that a life without all of those things would result in having no life at all, but honestly the result is the exact opposite. I think the reason this generation is so caught up in our devices is because we're afraid to get uncomfortable. We're afraid to say hello to someone walking towards us in the hallway or on the street so we pull out our phones and pretend to text. We're afraid of being straightforward and honest with our feelings to someone face to face, so we type them up instead.

This is why everything get's more difficult at camp. The only way to communicate with people is by actually talking with them, and we're practically forced to make conversation at every meal because we all sit and eat together at the same time. The showers may get cold faster or the heat in the cabins may not be set at a desirable temperature, and you literally have to walk everywhere you want to go. Everything may not go the way you want it to like it does back at home. But honestly, what happened to doing things the hard way? Why does there have to be an easy way out of everything? The song that just popped into my head is Automatic by Miranda Lambert (even if you're not a fan of country music you should look up the lyrics anyways). It's basically about how in the past things were more simple, because everything was done by hand, not automatically. And don't get me wrong, I truly appreciate how this world has advanced in technology and everything of that sort. But I think in the process of becoming so virtual and technology oriented, we lost sight of the beauty of "the real." The real conversations, the real photographs (everyone should just go buy a Polaroid camera because they're so awesome), the real relationships/friendships, the real bravery, the real laughs, the real experiences, etc. etc.

I don't know about you, but I have this burning want for "the real" back. I want to experience life in the most vulnerable way possible, being open and honest and real about everything I say and do. I don't want to hide from a stranger in order to avoid introducing myself, and at this point I would rather be that completely awkward person than the person that's hiding behind the screen of their smartphone all the time. It's not difficult for me to be this way, but what's difficult for me is facing the fact that I can't make everyone else be this way. I can't change the world, and by no means can I change people. Even when I think I can, I never will be able to. 

All I can do is dare you to be real. Step into those awkward and uncomfortable situations. Do things that scare you. Take the risks. Go places you've never been before. Do something for someone you really don't know that well. Make the plans, and commit to them. When you put your phone in your pocket, leave it there. Unplug your headphones. Don't over-think things. Don't just wait for your turn to talk, but listen. Be wild and courageous. Don't even think twice. Go for it. And I'm not going to lie, things are going to feel different and uncomfortable and life is going to get difficult. But in the end, you'll look back and say that 

it

was

real.